Just like many others with CPTSD I prefer to keep my trauma to myself. I never want to trigger myself or someone else with the circumstances of my life. In this case, understanding a bit of my story will help you understand why I created this site for us.
I don't want to talk about it. | Life before the trauma
My story with CPTSD is a living breathing ache in my soul. The devastating effects it has had on my life have uprooted my family and changed the trajectory of my life and that of my children forever. In many ways, I am doing better than to be expected, but in my experience, the only people who glorify someone's setback are the ones weren't keen on the person doing well, to begin with. Although I've made the most out of my circumstances, my progress is a reflection of the person I created over years of believing nobody controls my destiny aside from God.
I don't want to talk about it, but I will share. At one point in my life, I became a Personal Trainer with aspirations of becoming a life coach after losing close to 150 lbs gained during pregnancy. I didn't know it then (we never do) but my drive, devotion, and discipline is the stuff of legend.
My Traumatic Past
While I was doing well professionally and settling into a reality I created for myself and family from sheer passion things on the home front wasn't exceptional. After several troubling incidents, the time came when our safety was seriously in danger, and I decided to leave. We were to be away for two weeks while a permanent solution was being worked out when I was assaulted. Leaving me officially homeless, and with no one to turn to. Those weeks turned into years when I was invited to participate in a private program to help women like me rehabilitate our lives. I was given the impression and told we were selected because of our work ethic and "straight as an arrow" profile.
To make a long story short. The facilitators of this program obtained all of my personal information by hacking into my phone, and fraudulently gaining access into my accounts including Google. I realized something was off when the woman employed to be in charge of the program was in a leadership position at my church. Where the pastor was preaching the woes of my life.
Head-spinning and nauseous I called the police only to find the harassment increased, and I was being ignored and my pristine reputation was air-drying as I became the community pariah. I thought I was a victim but quickly and painfully learned I am a whistleblower.
I endure the systematized trauma designed to break our will with a childlike stubbornness. I will not feel guilty for being smart enough to see through an awfully devised scheme.
How I Cope
I've always been into holistic living- mind.body.soul and spirit. Before I ever encountered the wickedness that sought to destroy my life I studied methods of living a whole life. Over the years I've been able to integrate these teachings into sayings, systems, acronyms... you name it. Above all, I've been able to combine them with the peace and soundness of mind that Jesus has graciously provided for me in this often times merciless world to fortify my children, myself, and you.
It's not all in the mind, believe me when I say that is a good thing. However, it's the best chance we have as a start to anything worthwhile.
My mental hygiene is my story. I go with the flow. I accept the mess, but whenever the power is in my hands I keep it simple and clean.
As I share research, and holistic goodies with you I pray you will settle into the peace that resides within us all and learn to trust your inner voice to lead the way past the point of recovery and into a life your true self knew you deserved all along.
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